why didn't you poke me back
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
You ate ashes out of my bong
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
