I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
