Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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