I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
my poor anus
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
