Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
