i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Randomize
