Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
