he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
my poor anus
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
