he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
