I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
