After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
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