reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
