But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
