I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
