East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
