I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
pray to the hookup gods
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
