so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
