That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Randomize
