I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize