And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
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