You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
