so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Enjoy the penises
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
