I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
