I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
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