Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
