i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
