I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Boobs speak an international language.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
