She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
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