we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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