What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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