um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
