So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
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