Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize