shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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