on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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