My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize