I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
