4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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