So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
