one might say we're banned from that church
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
