Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
then he tried to convert me to islam
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
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