Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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