im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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