Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
