His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Randomize
