He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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