Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
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