Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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