Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
