very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
