the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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