it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
