God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Randomize