Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
