I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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