Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
