God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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