if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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