do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
