how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
We're too hungover to prance.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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