3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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