TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Randomize
