...so i touched it.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Randomize
